Friday, February 25, 2005



Aiyah... dunno wad's wrong with me these few days. This wk is recess wk, but i went back to sch so many times for project. Then for the last 2 meetings (one acc, one mkting), we arranged to meet in the morning. And I was late!!! WOke up late!!! Didn't even hear my alarm... today is the worst. Bad luck!!! I woke up at 930 when we were supposed to meet at 830. Haha. Eventually I reached there bt 11... cos when i first left hse, i walked all the way to the mrt station then realised i forgot to bring my wallet. Argh... weather so damn bloody hot, and i was alrdy super late! Eventually i walked all the way back, took wallet and took taxi. I couldn't bring myself to walk to the mrt station again under tis sort of weather.

God... and i spent so much money yesterday on Earthian comics. Chao ex lor! $14 per bk! 3 bks in total! And i still wanna the DVD... $17. How? I'm trying to sell away some of my old comics to raise money. But the prob is that... my old comics all random volumes... like vol 23-31, vol 2-3 tat kind. Dunno who would want to buy. Haha! But my completed series I obviously cannot sell cos I love them too much. Oops. Only Gravitation is complete. Haha. The rest are like Fruits Basket, Tactics, MaLoRa, Yami no Matsuei, Bokura no Oukoku... i dunno still got or not. Cam't rem now.

I really want the DVD ley! But even if i hv ang pow money, hv to consider my digicam ley. SOB T_T

Next wk got 2 presentations. Assessed. Wish me double luck!!! Think i shall wear something purple. purple accessories... for luck! ^__^

himitsu @ 10:49 PM.

Friday, February 18, 2005



read this from a fanfic. The author really writes beautifully.


"I was always in the dark with a blindfold, crucified by the cross of pain and dejection. I was always crying in the narrow bed, excruciated by the merciless cold of the night. I was the fallen hermit until you came along, picked me up, released my blindfold and wiped away my tears. You brought me to heaven, yet the angels wept for you as you fell and as I was graced. I saw you fall. I saw you closing your eyes. I saw you. Thus, I decided to fall with you too."

how i wish i could write like that. i shall try. definitely.

himitsu @ 9:46 PM.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005



chatted wif laysh jus now... and plus other things, plus reading fics that deals with love and hurt and depression... they just got me thinking.

people spend a large part of their lives on love. trying to find the right one, ending up with the wrong one; falling in and out of love; being happy, getting hurt; coming together, separating; marraige, divorce... but at the end of it all, do they actually learn what love is? guess there are those who are blessed enough to know the answer, but there are also those who won't understand it even til they die.

for now, there's one who's trying to figure out what love is before even actually loving... and therefore ends up being too idealistic;
and one who has kinda lost faith love momentarily;
and one who may be questioning herself at little times.

(i'm sorry if u're dragged into this)

i'm self-contradicting when it comes to love, i work out what shld be yet i know it may not/will never be similar to what i've thought. here's smthg i wrote recently:

I believe happiness should be fought for;
I believe fate and destiny plays a part.
I believe true love is worth waiting for,
No matter how long it takes.
I would be happy to be in love just once in my lifetime.
It doesn't need to last forever.
Even if it's only for a short period of time,
To be able to love freely and wildly once,
I would be so blessed.
The hurt that I must experience when in love,
The pain that may break me down completely,
Is definitely worth the smiles love brings as well.
So I would rather be in love.
And when the day comes when I must let go of my love
I'd try to remember the beauty of loving once,
And not shed tears over what would have been lost.
Love is ethereal, as is happiness.

It is way too IDEALISTIC, i admit it. for i know that i would want love to last for the lifetime, for i know that it's not easy to get over the hurt, for i know that the pain will always last longer than the happiness. Happiness is ethereal, and it lasts only for a fleeting moment. Smiles will be lost and forgotten, but pain will remain and tears remembered.

Nobody knows what the outcome will be, therefore you hv to decide if u wanna try... but if given a choice, i'll rather not gamble using my heart as the bet.

And as i've told laysh, i'm afraid of the time tt comes when i fall in love. i'm afraid of expecting too high, setting too high expectations. (about the commitment level) i may ask for too much. yet, the other reason why i'm afraid is becos i'm quite sure that i'll give alot too. really giving alot... tt's probably the reason why i'll ask for alot back in return. i'm afraid of losing myself. if u go along the line, the next thing to come is the enormous amt of hurt when the relationship doesn't work out. hurt that'll be too much to bear.

And there's more... I DON'T BELIEVE IN SUCH THING AS FOREVER. Maybe i do, but i understand well that there may not exist such a thing (very very high % may not have). Time heals, but changes everything too. It washes away the hurt, but it dims the love too. Everything dies in this world, including our emotions/feelings. You may love so deeply at one point in time, but as time passes, what was once loved would no longer be treasured that much. u get too used to it, u dun see it as special anymore, and u just lose the feeling. Argh... but maybe there are those who can really carry their love for each other til eternity.

i guess it may be practical to look for someone who's good to you instead of someone u love. Someone who loves you more than you love him. Maybe it's better to be loved than to love. to stay with someone who loves you but you don't love... u won't get hurt.

haha. love is a funny thing.

and watching tv and reading stories are part of the cause of the idealism in me. they cause you to paint a beautiful picture of what's love like, but it shatters when u come down to reality. idealism. disillusionment. you realized that's all that it was. that's what love is.

but yet, maybe that's why love's beautiful in the first place.

Am i making sense? ><

himitsu @ 1:17 AM.

Monday, February 14, 2005



Happy Valentine's Day! but gawd... i'm so tired and sleepy! slept too late last night and had to wake up at 645 tis morning.

Yesterday at Bugis i saw lotsa flower stalls... so huai2 nian4! Last yr at this time we were so busy at our stall! everyone so desperate to buy flowers. our biz so good we got not enuff accompanying flowers and wrappers. I miss it i miss it, i miss it!!!! Sob... why din we do it tis yr again? Last yr din take photos. none of us tot of it, and the only one who tot of it - shan... her camera spoilt one. STUPID!!! so sad... if nt got prove to show tat we did it... aww... still can't get over the fact that got no photos for remembrance.

mourning 1 yr death anniversary of Fleurs-de-amour T_T but next yr may ressurect it...

reali reali very fun and happy doing the biz last yr on v-day. thou the first part of the wk we were reali stressed and tired. but last day biz was booming so everyone so happy!

Miss the Stattice Queen and Moaning sisters (i was one of them)... Stattice Queen was damn funny nya? go around Orchard Rd and pluck leaves off the plants at roadside. i admire her for her courage. but to get so so so BIG ones back that we can neva use (maybe to fan ourselves stil can but that leave also more fern-like so cannot) was too weird and ridiculous!!! I still remember the time she came back with the leaves... i was so shocked i asked her why the heck she go pluck so so so BIG ones! HAHAHAHA!!! And the golden phoenix incident? She stomp on it angrily then pick up and put back into bouquet for customer... up till now i still wonder if Dawn is lying about Saizhen doing this. I mean, it's jus too eccentric! so hilarious!!!!!! And she had to label dawn and me as the moaning sisters... i dunno how she come up with that. At least grumbling sisters i can understand. but moaning?! i dun remember moaning! ><

so tired, so tired. tme i gonna take off day. since wed hv to go back for proj. acc proj sux manz! dun like the pple (except my fren) and dun like the proj topic. so complicated.

today ate pizza for lunch. lidya treated us. nway, meena and i were laffing like mad when lid told us she bought BLANKET for her bf. can't believe it. i really laff like mad. thou it took me a while to register wad she said. and meena, being the evil girl she is, went on being sarcastic, saying: "What? Are you trying to imply something by giving him blanket?" and "cover himself with the blanket like hugging you isit?" and "so what did he get you? a pillow? a fork?"

so farnie!!! couldn't stop laffing...

still wanna lou hei (eat yu sheng) and play mahjong...

himitsu @ 6:55 PM.

Friday, February 11, 2005



I watched Constantine today!!! So nice, but had to run all around to get tix. Lido sold out, took wrong bus to PS and had to walk a long way but PS GV sold out, in the end took taxi to Great World to watch but only left 7th row from front, seats at the side! Luckily, it was worth it. Keanu Reeves so shuai, movie graphics and sound effects so good, plot very interesting. Scary, thrilling and exciting!

But Dawn asked ao many qns after that and i was quite stumped by the qns she pointed out too. sigh...

CNY is so so so boring!!! Only the fact that got hols is gd. if not it's so boring and tiring! First day of new yr collect so few ang pows and was watching naruto on my laptop whole day... 2nd day stone at my aunt's place and grandma's place like shit. SIAN SIAN SIAN!!!!!!

wanna play mahjong!

himitsu @ 9:07 PM.

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